Researchers announced this morning that the Great Blob Telescope has, after nearly a decade of continuous observation, detected absolutely nothing in the surveyed region — a finding the team is calling the most precise measurement of nothing ever recorded.

"People hear 'nothing' and they think failure," said lead investigator Dr. Ivo Pellucid. "But we now know how much nothing, to four decimal places. Previously we were only guessing."

What comes next

The team has applied for a further nine years of funding to look slightly to the left.